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ugbee's Popular Plays 



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Malmda and 
the Duke 



By 

Mary Bonham 



Price 25 Cents 



The Willis N. Bugbee Co. 

SYRACUSE, N. Y. 



THE BUGBEE ENTERTAINMENTS 

ARE FAVORITES EVERYWHERE 

Polly at Sunshine Cottage. Comedy in 3 acts by Willis 
N. Bugbee. A very true-to-life village play. All p^arts good. 
7m., 7f. Time, 1% hours. 35 cents. 

Elder Jenkins' Reception. Negro farce in 1 act. Suit- 
able for any school, society or church. Nothing vulgar. 7m., 
8f. Time, 1 hour or longer. 25 cents. 

Field Day at Higginsville. A play in 2 acts for eighth 
grade people. Lively and full of fun. 8m., 7f. (and supers). 
Time, 1 hour or longer. 25 cents. 

Last Day at Center Ridge School. Novelty play in 2 
acts by Annette L. Smith. One of the best old district school 
plays. 8m., 9f. Time, ly^ hours or loBger. 35 cents. 

Adoption of Bob, The. A play in 1 act for eighth grade 
pupils by Marie Irish. Katie, Ghloe and Wang make lots of 
fun. 4m., 6f. Time, 30 minutes. 25 cents. 

Community Stunts and Novelty Features. A dandy new 
book for contmunity entertainments. Directions fer fair, old 
settlers' convention, etc., etc. 35 cents. 

Peggy of Primrose Farm. Comedy in 3 acts by Willis N. 
Bugbee. A delightful rural play that fits any occasion. 6m., 
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Arrival of Reuben, The. College comedy in 1 act by 
Willis N. Bugbee. The theft of a suit of clothes causes a 
great commotion. 5m., 5f. Time 1 hour. 35 cents. 

Priscilla's Room. Farce in 1 act by Louise L. Wilson. 
Priscilla gains possession ©f the room by a clever ruse. Full 
of action. 4ni., 2f. Time, 30 minutes. 25 cents. 

Tom Thumb Circus. A dandy little entertainment for the 
very little people. Introduces the principal features of a 
circus. Any number of characters. 25 cents. 

The Deacon's Honeymoon. Comedy in 3 acts by Willis N. 
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6m., 5f. Time, 1% hours. 35 eents. 

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Willis N. Bugbee. "Daddy" visits college and has a good 
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Some Class. Commencement play in 4 acts by Edith F. 
A. U. Fainton, 6m., 9f. Claimed to be the best commencement 
play on the market. Full of good healthy humor. Time 1 
hour 40 minutes. 35 cents. 

Aunt Sophronia at College. College comedy in 3 acts by 
Willis N. Bugbee. One of the best short plays we have ever 
offered. Full of fun from start to finish. 5m., 7f. Time, 1^4 
hours. 35 cents. 

THE WILLIS N. BUGBEE CO., SYRACUSE, N. Y. 



Bugbee^s Popular Plays 

MALINDA AND 
THE DUKE 

By 
Mary Bonham 



Copyright, 1922, by Willis N. Bugbee 



THE WILLIS N. BUGBEE CO. 

SYRACUSE. N. Y. 






Malinda and the Duke 



CHARACTERS 

Miss Malinda Barlow Sentimental Old Maid. 

Duke of New Castle Miss Malinda's Beau 

Okalee Chief of the Fun Makers 

Ruth 1 

NelliT "^ f "^' ^«sisfanis 

Mary J 

Snowball Colored Fun 

Molly Irish Wit 

Time of Playing — About thirty minutes. 



am ^62833 

TMP92-00867g 

NOV \Q 1922 



Malmda and tke Duke 

Scene: Sitting room with a closet door in view. 
Molly is discovered dusting. 

{Enter Snowball.) 

Snowball. Look heah, Miss Molly Irish, dar ain't no use fo' 
yo' wastiu' so much elbow oil sweepin' an' dustin' dis room. 'Tain't 
no time fo' it's all dirt again. iHits down and rocks.) 

Molly. If yez plaze, wuU ycz tell me why it don't nade dustin' 
an' shwapin'? I can see more than wan koind iv trash in it thia 
minute. (Haughtily.) Whin mo missis gives me the dust order I 
ain't sittin' up here tindin' to your skillets. 

Snow. Huh, Miss High an' Mighty, I predicticates dat dar 
whirlwind o' city gals from ole Virginnv is gwinter whirl in heah 
terrectly an' swape fo' vo'. Ef ^'o' can stan' 'em it's more'n I can. 
Dey has jes' naturally bottled up a cyclone an' brung it up heah an' 
turned it loose fo' to caper roun' dese ole Catskills. Yes'm, I'se 
lookin' an>- minute fo' a stoiTn ter bust loose. Why dem ar young 
Uidies done licked all de dough off'n my cake \mns an' sopped de 
gravy off'n de skillets fo' I kin slap 'em wid de dishrag. Dey eben 
take de chickens outen de fryin' pan an' eat 'em raw. An' furdermo' 
dej' says dey's gwine picnic right up dar whar ole Rip Van Winkle 
slep fo' twenty yeahs, an' dey's gwine dance de Virginny Reel right 
spang whar dem ole Dutchei-s rolled dar nine-pina an' danced de 
double sliuflle. (Hums and skips.) 

Molly. Do you mane to tell me that the spirits iv thim Dutch- 
min still dances on the mountain? 

Snow. Deed I does. (Aside.) Beheb I'll fool dis ol' ga\. 
(Alvud.) Yea'm, dey says dat eb'ry yeah dem ol' bay-window 
Dutchers comes back an' carries on sumpin turrible. Miss Malinda's 
av.ful skeercd dat one ob dem Dutchers gwine git under her bed or 
in her closet. She done look undah de bed an' in de closet free times 
a day an' Sunday too. I spect mebbe a ghos' would s'prise yo' right 
now if yo' done look in dat closet. (Points to door.) 

Molly. Och, murther! If there's a ghost in there I'll jist let the 
whirlwind do the dustin'. (Runs out, losing shoe.) 

Snow {laughing). Good ebenin' to yo', Molly Irish! I done 
akeered dat gal right outen her shoe. Now I'se jes' gwinter see wat'a 
in dis lettah dat I done foun' on de paf comin up de steps. It 
suttinly am furmy writin'. Mebbe tain't no' count an' mebbe 'tis. 
P-a-r-i-s, Paris, F-r-a-n-c-e, France. Oh golly wat yo' done tink of 
dat. I suah has gotter put on my specks. (Puts on large glasses.) 
Dia am awful hard to read. M-a, ma, C-h-e-r-e, cheer — M-a-1-i-n-d-a, 
Malinda — Ma cheer Mahnda — shucks! (Folds letter.) I'se jes' 
gwinter turn dis dog latin ober to dem whirlwind gals. (Puts letter 
in her shoe.) B'heve I'll hab some fun wid dem Virginnyite gals 
bein's I'se from Alabam. Heah dey comes now so I'll jes' hide in dis 
closet. (Exit in closet.) 

(Enter girls laughing.) 



4 MALINDA AND THE DUKE 

OuALEB. Oh, I've had such good luck today! I caught six 
suckers. 

Ruth. Gee I Isn't it fun to fish when you can catch them one 
right after the other? 

Blanche. Not if you have to bait the hook. Ugh! 

M.\RY. Hark! What was that? Something in the closet? 

Ruth. Maybe it was a spook. 

Nellie. Nonsense! Don't talk of spooks in broad day light. 

{Groans and noises in closet; girls scream and jump upon chairs.) 

Blanche. Oh! oh! Help! Help! (Wails.) 

Nellie. I wish I was back in Dixie. iWails.) 

Mary. Maybe it's a burglar and we'll all be murdered. (Wails.) 

Blanche. Or an Indian with a tomahawk. 

Ruth. More likely it's the spook of old Rip Van Winkle come 
to ha'nt us for sayin' we were going to tent on his camp ground. 

Ora. Oh dear ! S'pose it should be Ichabod Crane and he should 
throw his head at us. (Hides tinder table.) 

Nellie. Fiddlesticks ! Don't you know it was Brown Bones that 
threw a pumpkin at Ichabod. 

Mary. Then maybe it's some one come to kidnap us. I dreamed 
last night we were all kidnapped. O-o-oh! (Falls on floor.) 

All. Oh dear! Oh dear! (Loud groans in closet.) 

(Enter Molly.) 

Molly. Faith an' be jabbers! Phwat's goin' on here thot you're 
all yellin' an' actin' loike crazy loons? 

Blanche. Murder, Molly! There's a man in the closet! 

(All wail.) 

Molly. Begorry I jist bet it's that ould spook thot shtays in 
the Catskill Mountains. (Hears groans.) Och! Murderation, to be 
shure! It's the same spook that haythen naygur did be tellin' me 
about. Faith, I'll get me gun. (Runs out.) 

Ora. We'll hold him in, Capt. Molly. (Ora and Ruth hold 
door. If desired girls mag sing, "Johnny Get Your Gun," using 
"Molly" instead of "Johnny.") 

(Re-enter Molly with old gun.) 

Molly. Begony ' Open the door an' let me pepper him so full 
iv shot he won't wake up for a thousand years. 

(Girls open door and Molly points gun.) 

Snowball (inside). Me-ow, me-ow, me-ow! (Very loud.) 

Ora. It's not an Indian, that's sure, 

Ruth. Nor a spook — 

Mary. Nor a ha'nt — 

Blanch. Nor a burglar — 

All. But a cat. (Calling.) Kitty! Kitty! Kitty! 

Ruth. Come out, kitty. (Opens door under and Snowball 
crawls out mewing.) 

Molly (grabbing her lost shoe and throwing it at Snowball). 
Ye haythen baste! Ye'd betther be out in the kitchen 'tindin' to 
thim cakes that be blacker than your face. Begorra, me thinks ye've 
turned the whirlwind into a tornado. 

Snow (to Molly). Look heah, woman, if yo' knowed dar was a 



MALINDA AND THE DUKE 5 

big, fat lub-letter in de pos' office fo' yo' wouldn't yo' be hustlin' ober 
dar arter it? Bet yo' wouldn't kotch dis chile foolin' away no time 
wid a nifiger if I had a letter waitin' fo' me. 

MoLLV. Faix, mebbe the dear bye is dead an' he's writin' to tell 
me about it. {Runs off.) 

M.utY. Snowball, you certainly did give us a fright. My knees 
shake yet. 

SNOw^ I'se mighty glad it were in de knees stead ob de heart. 

Nellie. Let me see myself. (Looks in glass.) I thought I'd be 
aa gray as Stanley when he came out of the African jungle. 

Ora. I know that scare undid all my curls. 

Ruth. And I'll always wear white roses in my cheeks. 

Blanche. I'll never grow another inch. 

Snow. Lawsy, lionejs, yo'se all right — jes' lak de poppies out in 
de yard — 

Dat bend an' blow 
As de whirlwinds go, 
like dis. (Bends back and forth. Sees letter.) Law, sakes! I mos' 
fo'f^ot. Heah's a sticky lub-letter dat I done foun' in de paf. I can't 
make out de pronunciatum ob de wuds, but I spect yo' kin entangle 
'em. (Gives letter to Ora.) 

Oea. Let me see it, (Examines it.) O girls, it'a Frenchy. 
Nothing doing. 

Nellie. I can read it. I can read French like a book. 

Ruth. Or me. I invaded Gaid with Caesar once. 

Nellie. It isn't polite to read other peoples' letters, but under 
the circumstancea — well someone may be sick, or — 

Ruth. Or a hundred reasons why we should read that lost letter. 

Nellie. Here goes (reads). Paris, France. (Use date a week in 
advance of present.) This is important — 

Snow, Yas'm, dat's 'portant, case Paris, France is over sea an' 
oversee means to boss. I alius oversees de cookin' an' sometimes I 
mos' generally has to oversee dat Irish gal. 

Ora. Whj^ Snowball, Molly is a nice girl and — 

Snow. Dat's all so, Miss Ora, but dat don't argument she ain't 
green. Why de odder day de missus ax her to fin' her a cricket to 
put her foot on an' dat gal turned ober ebry rock on de place to fin' 
one. She say she ain't nebber heah ob a foot stool bein' a cricket. 
Now wat yo' know 'bout dat? Reckon I bettah go'n see wat she's 
up to now, (Exit.) 

Mary. Nellie, my curiosity is gritting it's teeth to know what'a 
in that letter, 

Nellie. Oh, there's oceans of fun in it. 

Ora. Tell us quick. We're for fun. 

Nellie. Well, sit fiat on the floor and (dee-p voice) "lend me 
3'^our ears." (All sit in anxious attitude.) You all know Misa 
Malinda, our spinster friend? 

Ora. Yes, that old maid, rich in fields of ore. 

Blanche. Why don't you say that "Lady in Waiting?" 

Nellie. That's it exactly — Lady in Waiting, — for this letter is 
written to her from a gent in France who is expected here almost 
any day to see her. 



6 MALINDA AND THE DUKE 

Ruth. Here? Won't that be fun! How sets mj' cap, Blanche? 
{Pretends to arrange cap.) 

Nelue. You needn't be setting your cap, Ruth. This Duke is 
head over heels in love with Miss Malinda — but it will be fun for us 
to flirt with him a little. 

Ora. Oh that is a rare thought. Nellie, I have an idea for some 
fun. 

All. Explode it then. 

Ora. Well, you know Miss Malinda is mortally afraid of some 
■one getting into her closet and now this fear of hers is a gold mine 
for fun. Snowball's prank has given me the cue. I long to be the 
Duke in Malinda's closet. 

Mary. Gracious, you are daring! Are you prepared for the 
worst? 

Ora. Hush, here she comes! Don't mention Snowball, the 
closet, or our scare. Be calm. 

{Enter Malinda.) 

Malinda. Oh my dear girls! {Girls rise, offer her a chair, one 
places arm around her, and Ora holds her hand.) I'm charmed to 
be admitted to your jolly circle. You seem so happy, and at present 
I also ha\e re;ison to be superlatively so. 

Oka. Please give us j'our recipe, Miss Malinda. 

Malinda. All right, but before we settle ourseh^es for the re- 
cital let me look for a trespasser that might have dropped in un- 
av.'ares. My advice, 3'oung ladies, is this: {looking in the closet) 
always look in j-our closet when coming into a vacant room. I have 
done it all my life. Though I have never found one yet, I always ex- 
pect to sooner or later. I have a plan all laid for the capture of any 
scamp who lurks therein. {Rising.) I feel that the breeze has dam- 
aged my curls. {Goes to glass and arranges hair.) I am expecting a 
distinguished visitor any day — the Duke of Burgundy, from France. 
{Broad A.) 

Girls. Great! Grand! Gorgeous! Glorious! 

Malinda. How sweet of you to say that ! The Duke declares he 
will never be satisfied till he sees my farm amid the celebrated 
Cat skills. And then he vows he is going to storm the citadel of 
my iieart. 

Blanche. That is as thrilling as a romance. 

Ruth. Silly, it is romance. I mean to put it on the screen. 

Malinda. You darling girl, that would be so s^veet. Let me 
show you his pictvu-e. {Shows large portrait.) 

Mary. Vanish, ye Knights of Old! Isn't he handsome! 

Nellie. My! His mustache just fits my dreams. It's a perfect 
Frenchy. 

Ora. Ah, those dreamy dark eyes are ideal. Miss Malinda, I 
know if he storms the citadel of your heart that you will capitulate. 
He v/ill be too irresistible — to utterh' utter. 

Malinda. Child, don't put it in the future tense. 

Ruth. Then you are already engaged? 

Malinda. Well, not exactly, dears — but you are not yet old 
enough to comprehend these heart mysteries. You see now that I 



MALINDA AND THE DUKE 7 

have reason for happiness. I came to this resort to put some roses 
in my cheeks — do they look rosy? 

M/\KY. Oh yes, very. 

Malinda. Thank you sweetly, dear. The Duke likes roses. 

Blanche. I'm sure he likes roses but I'll bet he likes "doufz;h" 
better. 

Malinda. How dare you attribute so low a motive to so hi^^h- 
born a gentleman as the Duke of Burgundy! {Rising.) I shall go 
straight to my own room and keep to mj-self the thoughts of him 
who owns m>- heart. 

Ruth. Miss Malinda, you are a heartless creature to leave us 
at this critical moment ! 

{Exit Malinda.) 

AIalinda {outside). "My heart is in the highlands, my heart is 
not here, — My heart is in the highlands a-cha>sing the Dear"! 

Nellie. Blanche, you said the wrong thing. 

Ora. Yes, but developments are still spelling fun for us. To- 
morrow the Duke arrives, — {Dinner bell rings.) There's our dinner 
bell and I'm one hungry animal ! Whoever is late at the table gets 
the part of the chicken that goes over the fence last. {All run out.) 

Curtain 

ACT II 

Scene: Miss Malind.Vs room, chair, mirror, closet, anything else 
to make a cozy spot. Miss M. comes in, looks in gla^ss, takes off hat, 
prijnps, looks lovingly at Duke's picture, places it in view, feels in 
handbag for letter, looks worried, seai'ches frantically for letter, cries 
a little.) 

Malinda. I wonder where I could have put the dear epistle. 
Maybe it's a sign that I shall lose him. {Weeps.) But I ought not 
to worry for I know the dear Duke is likely to arrive any minute and 
he does not wish me to plow wrinkles in my brow over the loss of 
his letter. {Smooths brow and powders face.) 

{Enter Molly.) 

Molly. Miss Malinda, would ye be after having a cool drink? 

Malinda. Thank you, Molly, you are such a thoughtful girl, 
I'll speak a good word for you to Mikey when he comes to see you. 

Molly. Och, Miss Malinda, ye make the roses bloom in me 
cheeks, but I'm afraid he's never coming, for that ha>'then nager said 
there was a letter in the office for me and there wasn't, and I don't 
know whither me poor heart will break or whither I'U break the black 
ha3'then's neck! {Cries.) 

M.'Vlinda. O well, Molly, don't cry. I have a lover, too, who is 
coming from over the sea and maybe they'll both be on the same 
boat. 

Molly. I'm obleeged to ye for all thim noice words. 

Malinda. Now, AIollj-, I want to take a little beauty nap. When 
your letter comes I will read it for you and write your answer. 

Molly. Thank ye swately, ma'm. {Exit.) 

Maunda. I must look around ere I slumber. {Takes stick and 



S MALINDA AND THE DUKE 

feels under couch, if there be one, and in the closet, looks puzzled, 
ii'-trns as she pushes door a little closer.) I thought I heard a breath. 
I'm sure I heard a man snoring. {Strikes match and holds at very 
S7nall opening of door, runs back, eyes and mouth wide open.) I 
must be brave. Maybe after all it is only a cat in there. {Tips-toe^ 
to closet, pokes head inside, jumps back, slams door, locks it.) Well, 
all things come to those who wait. I've captured the article at last. 
Let me mediiate on the mode of procedure. (Sits and thinks hard.) 
I will lasso him and tie him up as a sort of scare-crow to his tribe. 
If only the Duke were here to help me! 

^'oiCE IX Closet {very deep). Malinda dear, it is I. I could 
Vv'ait no longer to see you. 

Maltnd.^ (aside). That voice soimds natural. I wonder if it 
can be the dear Duke! I suppose he came while I was out rowing, 
foimd me gone, and just went into the closet to siu-prise me. It was 
so sweet of him to plan it that way. How shall I answer the dear 
fellow? 

Voice.. Malinda, I love you and I long to see ze sweet face of 
you so much. Give me one wee word from ze sweet lips. 

Malinda. Lovey! {She lohispers it at keyhole.) 

Voice. Dovey ! 

Malinda. Did you f\x to me from over the sea? 

"\'oicE. Yes. sweetie, flew over se sea to ze? 

Mai>inda. Will j'ou love me when I'm old and gray? 

Voice. Dnrling, yes forever svA a dny. 

Malinda. What token will you give me of our everlasting bliss? 

'N^oicE. Through ze keyhole I gif you a kiss. {Synacks lips.) 

Malinda. O isn't he the sweetest Duke in the world! 

Voice. Sweetest, dearest, this door is my heart, you hold ze key. 

Malinda. It is so sweet to hold that key, darling Duke. 

{Enter Snowball.) 

Snow. Law, Miaa Malinder, dar's a man all dolled up down 
stairs, wantin" ter see you. He am a leetle chap wid some Texas 
ho'ns fer a mustache. Spec you better be goin' down kase he am 
mighty fidgety. I cogitate he's a fiu-riner, an you better be keerful 
kase he moutiht ho'n you wid dat mustache. {Exit.) 

Malinda {at closet door). Dear Duke, please excuse me just 
ONE MINUTE. A stranger has called to see me. 

Voice. Certainly, lovey, but do hurry back! 

Malinda. O, the romance of my life is just beginning to 
blossom! {Exit L.) 

{Enter Molly R.) 

Molly. I wonder where be the good lady. I jist brought her 
some fiowei-s. {Puts them in vase.) Whin me Mikey comes I'll 
wear a flower in n\e hair, so. {Arranges it in hair at mirror.) Och, 
and Mickey will wear one pinned on wid me own hands, too, and 
thin the widding bells! Tra-la! {Skips.) 
{Enter Snowball.) 

Snow. I 'clare ter gracious, Miss Elmarelda, is you spectin' ter 
wear de orange blosoms soon? Let me see how I gwine look when 
I stick my head in de noose, {Puts flower in hair and cakewalks.) 



MALINDA AND THE DUKE 9 

Golly, 'peara like I hear sumpin' gwine on down stars. 'Tain't all 
qMici, long do Potomic by lon^j; shot. Bet dat furriner bning a harry- 
cane wid him. (Listens.) B'lieve to goodness day's comin' vij) here! 
Run, Patsy, ol' Afriky will ketch yoM (They run out.) 

(Enter Malinda and the Dike oj Burgtindy.) 

Malinda. My dear Duke, tlie monster imposter is locked in that 
closet. He must be; >our double! 

Duke. Zg debble! Ze debble he is! Gif me ze key ! I will haf 
nopody jilaying ze Duke of Burgundy. Zare will be something to 
pa;.' for zis. Pretty lady, gif me ze key. (Maunda hunts but can't 
find key.) Ze key! ze key! I say, ze key, zat is ze question. My 
kingdom for ze key! (Duke gets very stormy, pulls hair, shakes 
fist, stamps foot.) 

Malinda. I cannot find the key, dear. I had it when I went 
down stairs. (Cries.) 

Duke. How can I whip ze scoundrel wifout ze key? (Hits 
door with fist.) 

Malinda. Ma^be the servants have found it, dear Duke, I'll 
see. (Exit.) 

Duke. Vexation' Cremation! Fortune ia against me. (Bangs 
door with foot.) But I will be revenged. Ze scamp shall not rob 
me of ze pretty lady. (Ttirvs to door and yells.) Speak, sir, and 
tell me. Do j'ou love ze pretty lady. Miss Barlow? 

Voice. Ne\'ermore ! 

Duke. Will you ever deceive this lady again? 

Voice. Nevermore. 

Duke. Will 30U ever try to steal my love again? 

Voice. Nevermore. 

(Enter Malinda with key.) 

Malinda. Here, dear Duke, is the key. The Irish girl found it 
on the steps. 

Duke. sweetheart, tell me that you are mine and make me 
happy forever. 

Malinda. All is yours. The citadel has long since capitulated. 
(Puts her head on his shoulder and he takes her hand.) Somehow 
now I don't feel half so hostile towards our prisoner. 

Dl^ke. Sweetie, love covers a multitude of sins, but let's look 
at him for ze sake of our curiosity. (Goes to door.) 

Malinda. Ooo-o-o- I'm afraid he might hurt you, honey! 
(.Holds him by coat-tails.) Oooo-oo-o! 

Duke. Don't be scared, darling. Prisoner, will you molest me 
or ze pretty lady if I let you out? 

Voice. Nevermore! 

(Duke unlocks door, prisoner steps out, all girls but Ora rush 
in.) 

Duke. Now, you rascal, I want you to see zat I am ze Duke of 
Burgundy. 

Ruth. Hurrah, Miss Malinda, I see you have caught a tres- 
passer at last. 

Blanche. Ruth and I will hold the doors so he can't escape 
(Hold entrances.) 



10 MALINDA AND THE DUKE 

Nellie. Mr. Duke, you look after Miss Malinda, and Mary and 
I will attend to the prisoner. 

Duke. Zank you, Mademoiselle, I would cane ze rascal if I did 
not have to protect ze pretty lady. 

Mary. Hon. Duke and pretty lady, whenever a scamp is cap- 
tured the law gives us the right of trial. I suggest that we institute 
Court here. All in favor say Aye. 

All. Aye. {Prisoner says Aye after the others.) 
Mary. So said, so done. The Duke of Burgundy and Misy 
Malinda Barlow are the plaintiffs. The unknown prisoner is the de- 
fendant and will plead his own case. The door-keepers and guards 
will serve as a jury and I will act as judge. All in favor give the 
word. 

All. Aye. 

M.-utY (as Judge). Miss Barlow, will you state to this court the 
nature of the offense. 

Malinda. Hon. Judge, venerable Jury, upon entering my boudoir 
this afternoon as is my custom I explored for trespassers. I dis- 
covered the presence of something suspicious in that closet, turned 
on a flashlight and there sat said prisoner ; I slammed the door, medi- 
tated on my next procedure, and wished for the Duke. Immediately 
said prisoner assumed tlie personality of said Duke and made sweet 
love to me till I was called down stairs where the real royal gentle- 
man stood before me. I am too nervous to say more. Said prisoner 
has forever incapacitated me for looking into another closet. {Leans 
on Duke.) 

Duke. Never mind, dearie, I am to be ze flashlight to look into 
ze closets. 

Malinda. So sweet of you dear. {Pats his cheek.) 
Judge. The Duke of Burgundy will now take the stand and 
speak the whole truth and nothing but the truth. 

Duke. Worthy Judge and Juiy, I speak ze whole truth. I came 
from Paris to see zis pretty lady. Said prisoner trv' to be me. He 
is not me. He try to beat me out of ze pretty lady, in ze which 
event I go back to France with no heart in me. I had one hard time 
to make her see zat I was me. Zis chap almost fool ze lady out of 
me, in ze which event she die of a broken heart. Gentle Jury, con- 
sider punishment for a fellow zat would break ze heart of ze two of 
us. My heart still bleeds to zink what might have been. 

Jury. O the bleeding heart, the almost broken heart of the Duke. 
Duke. Noble Jury, zare be three questions zat I wish ze prisoner 
to explain. 

Judge. You have the privilege of questioning him. The pris- 
oner win come forward and answer. 

Prisoner {stepping forward). O learned Judge, I speak truth 
only. 

Duke. Who are you? Why were you here in this lady's closet? 
And what amends will you make if released? 

Prisoner. I am the sole heir of Mr. John Smith of Virginia. I 
was here in the lady's closet for vacation and fun. I promise never 
to make love to the Duke's girl any more. Furthermore when the 
said Duke and the said Pretty Lady unite in matrimony I will shower 



MALINDA AND THE DUKE 11 

them with roses from Virginia, for nowhere do the roses bloom so 
sweetly as in Virginia and in Miss Mahnda'a cheeks. Gracious 
Jury, be merciful to me. (Hangs head.) 

Judge. Ladies of the Jury, you have heard the arguments. Sea- 
son your verdict with justice but add a drop of mercy, if you please. 

{The Jury get together and conjer with each other.) 

Duke. O my lovely lady, zese troubles make you so sweet. 

Malinda. O darling Duke, I am so happy in the midst of it all. 

Judge. The Jury finds said prisoner guilty on two charges. First 
of getting in the path of tme love and hindering Cupid for twenty 
minutes, which well nigh broke the lovers' hearts. Second, guilty of 
scaring a lad\' out of her established perogative of looking into her 
closet for trespassers. 

Judge. Prisoner, rise and learn the fruits of your folly. (Pris- 
oner rises.) 

First — you will make full confession to the plaintiffs; 
Secondly — you v.-ill sliake the Duke's hand and beg par- 
don for assuming his personality ; 

Thirdly- — j'ou will kiss the pretty lady. 

Duke. Hon. Judge, I object to zat. 

Malinda. And so do I. 

Judge. The law must be obeyed. Fourthly — you will dance at 
the wedding of the Duke and Miss Malinda, thereby proving to 
Cupid that you were only joking through the keyhole with Miss 
Malinda. 

Prisoner. I proceed to pay the penalties imposed upon me. 
First. — A full confession. (Pulls off overcoat, hat, mustache, laugh- 
ing.) I am Oralee Smith, chief of the Funmakers at the Catskill 
resort. Second. — I beg pardon, Duke, for tiying to be you. (Shakes 
hands. ) Third. — Allow me to kiss you, Miss Melinda. I love you 
much. (Kisses her.) Fourth. — And now I _tell you all that I am 
ready to dance at the coming wedding to show Dan Cupid that I was 
only joking when I played the Duke. 

Judge. The Jurj^ may now be dismissed and this court — 

Prisoner. Hold a minute ! I have a charge to bring against 
another party. 

Judge. Against whom? 

Prisoner. The Duke of Burgundy. 

Several. Oh, the Duke! the Duke! 

Duke. Against me? Empossible! 

Judge. On what grounds? 

Prisoner. Intent to deceive. He is no more of a duke than I 
am. He's an imposter. 

Duke. Oh Miss Malinda, what shall I do? Zey have discovered. 

Malinda. Perhaps it is better to tell them. 

Duke. Your Honor, let me explain. You see ze American 
ladies love so much ze grand titles for ze marriage zat we make for 
ourselves ze Duke of Burgundy. Ze idea was wonderful. 

Se\^eral. Mai^velous ! 

Prisoner. I have still another charge to bring. 

Judge. What? Another? 



12 MALINDA AND THE DUKE 

Prisoner. Yes, j'our Honor. I don't believe he is even a French- 
man. He is an American in disguise. See how that mustache is 
fastened on. 

Several. Yes, so it is. 

Judge. What have j'ou to say? Is the charge false or true? 
What is your name? 

Duke. You tell them, Malinda. The cat is out of the bag. 

Malinda. He is Caleb Jones from (near-by town). I can 

tell no more because — because that is all of our secret. 

Blanche. Then you knew it all the time? 

Malinda. Certainly and the deception has afforded us much 
amusement. 

Ruth. Oh Miss Malinda, you do love a joke after all. 

Maunda. Yes, my dear, when it harms no one, for as Shakes- 
peare says, "All's well that ends well." And remember it is always 
wise to look in your closet. 

CxmxAiN 




THE BUGBEE ENTERTAINMENTS 

ARE FAVORITES EVERYWHERE 



Billy's Aunt Jane. Comedy in 3 acts by Willis N. Bugbee. 
For school or community. Good darkey character. 8m., 7f. 
Time, IV2 to 2 hours. 35 cents. 

Happyville School Picnic. A one-act play for intermediate 
and ungraded schools. One of our best, 7 boys, 9 girls. 
Time, 40 minutes or longer. 25 cents. 

Hiram and the Peddlers. A farce in 1 act. The climax 
is a great surprise. 5m.. 2f. Time, 30 minutes. 25 cents. 

Graduation at Gayville. A play for grammar grades. 6m., 
6f. Includes a mock commencement, class poem, etc. Time, 
30 minutes. 25 cents. 

Coonville 'Ristocrat Club. A darkey play for church or 
school or any occasion. Clean and wholesome. 6m., Cf. Time, 
1 hour. 35 cenra. 

Darktown Social Betterment S'ciety. A good wholesome 
c?arkey play. Very funny. For 9 male characters. Time, 30 
minutes. 25 cents. 

Uncle Eben's S'prise Party. Here is another splendid 
negro play. It certainly is a surprise party. 6m., 6f. Time, 
30 minutes. 25 cents. 

Uncle Si and the Sunbeam Club. A delightful play for 
grammer gi'ades. Opportunity for specialties. 7m., 7f. Time, 
40 minutes to 1 hour. 30 cents. 

Closing Day at Beanville School. The most populaar play 
for intermediate grades we have ever offered. 7m., 7f. (more 
or less). Time, 30 minutes or more. 25 cents. 

Midgets' Grand Parade. A delightful pageant for little 
tots. Very easy to produce. Time, 30 minutes. 25 cents. 

Funny Little Food Folks. A novelty entertainment for 
children. This is something different. Time, 30 min. 25 cents. 

Following the Stars and Stripes. A splendid new patriotic 
pageant. This should be on every program. For any number 
of children. Time, 15 to 45 minutes. 25 cents. 

Pretty Pageants for Young Folks. These pageants are not 
only pretty but right up to the minute. Very easy and pleas- 
ing. Good for ajiy time. 35 cents. 

Commencement Helps and Hints. For Eighth Grade 
People. Contains salutatories, valedictories, kistories, class 
will, prophecies, banquet, class drill, play, yells, mottoes, 
colors, novel sports, songs, stunts, etc. A valuable book. 
35 cents. 

Commencement Treasury. Brimful of helpful material for 
the high school graduate. Salutatories, valedictories, pro- 
phecies, etc., etc. 50 cents. 



THE WILLIS N. BUGBEE CO., SYRACUSE, N. Y. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



016 102 429 6 .^ 



THE BUGBEE ENTERTAINMENTS 

ARE FAVORITES EVERYWHERE 
The Bughee Song Novelties 

Sparkin' Peggy Jane. A novelty acting duet for young 
man and woman. Back country types. Very funny. 35 cents. 

We'se Mammy's Little Honeys. A pickaninny action song, 
with minstrel effect if desired. Very cute. 35 cents. 

Here's a Song to You, Old School. A splendid new school 
song. 35 cents. Six copies, $1.75. 

Sally and Si at the Circus. A duet for two country lovers 
who go to the circus and have a gay old time. 35 cents. 

Sewing Ladies Meet, The. The ladies meet to sew but 
you know how it is — they do more gossiping than sewing. 
Very cute. 35 cents. 

Little Washerwomen, The. An action song for little ladies 
at their tubs. A most delightful number. 35 cents. 

Won't You Come and Play With Me? A duet for boy and 
girl, or for two boys and two girls. To be sung with actions. 
35 cents. 

Dearest School of All, The. A pleasing song for a whole 
school or class. Can be used any time, or as farewell song. 
35 cents. 

We're Mighty Glad to See You. Another welcome song 
that will make the audience feel right at home. To be sung 
with action. 35 cents. 

When Santa Had the Rheumatiz. How dreadful it would 
have been if he hadn't got cured in time to make his rounds. 
35 cents. 

There's a Welcome Here for You. A song that offers a 
genuine welcome to the audience. 35 cents. 

Don't Forget to Come Again. Another delightful good-bye 
song. 35 cents. 

We've Got the Mumps. A novelty costume song for chil- 
dren supposed to be afflicted with the mumps. 35 cents. 

The Old Home Folks. A song for adults, or older boys 
9jnd girls, to be used on any program. 35 cents. 

Our Latch String Hangs Outside. A dandy new welcome 
song that will start your entertainment right. Sheet music. 
35 cents. 

Just Smile and Say Good-Bye. A capital song to send your 
audience home feeling good natured. Bright and catchy. 35 
cents. 

De Coonville Jubilee. The 'Ristocrats of Coonville hold a 
jubilee and '"Dey don't get home till the break ob day." Sheet 
music. 35 cents. 

THE WILLIS N. BUGBEE CO., SYRACUSE, N. Y. 



